By now, I was eleven years old. My “mother” thought this was the perfect age to tell me about herself. After four years, I knew little about her; all I really knew was her name, what she ate, and other simple things. But now, I was to learn her deepest, darkest secret, and I instantly felt shameful when she told me…
The woman approached the boy and stared down upon him, he was still much shorter than her.
She gazed into his eyes and sighed. “Berlyn, I would like to speak with you,” she told him.
He tilted his head innocently and frowned in confusion. “Yes, mother?”
She watched him for a few more seconds and then opened her mouth to speak, “I think you’re old enough to know the truth. But you have to promise to not hate me…”
He smiled adoringly and hugged her. “I could never hate you, mommy…”
The woman thought to herself, If only that were true… But I’ll take your word for it, my child.
“Sit down, my dear.” The woman walked over to a tree stump, her bag sitting beside it, with the child and lifted him up to sit upon the stump. Then she sat before him on the grass, staring up at him. “You love me, don’t you?”
He grinned. “Of course I do, mommy! I love you and I always will!”
His innocence made the woman smile as she continued, “Then I believe you can hear this. Ber, sweetie… I’m not what you think I am…”
She looked down when the boy’s smile faded.
“I’m… not a human, my child. I’m… a demon… and I also have a daughter. Her name is Serenity, and I haven’t seen her in years. Her father is an angel, so she’s only half of… what I am.”
The boy’s gasp made her look back up. He was scooting away, horror in his little eyes.
“What’s the matter?” she asked, standing and reaching out to brush his cheek with the back of her hand.
He slapped her hand away and fell off of the tree stump. He scrambled to his feet, heaving in breaths. “Get… Get away from me! You’re a monster - a monster like the one who killed my real family!”
The woman’s eyes flared with fury. “You lied!”
“About what?” the boy snapped.
“You said you’d never hate me! You said you’d always love me!” she screamed.
The boy stepped backwards. “I-I didn’t know what you were going to say! I take back what I told you!”
“There are no take backs!” she screamed at him. “You lied to me! You should never lie to a demon!” She stared at him with pure anger.
“I didn’t know you were a demon!” he wailed. “Get away! Leave me alone!”
“Oh, no… I can’t do that…”
The woman took out a chain from her bag that was by the stump. “You see this?” she asked.
The boy took one glance at it and dashed away to escape.
“Get back here!” she screeched and gave chase.
The woman easily caught up to the boy, tackled him to the ground.
He screamed and kicked and punched, but it was no use. The woman had him.
She stared at him while pinning him to the ground. “You really shouldn’t make this any harder on yourself, my son…”
“I’m not your son!” he spat.
She stared at him, her eyes now sad. “Don’t… don’t ever say that again…”
“I’m not your son! I’m not your son! I’m not your son!” he tormented.
The woman glared at him held the chain up. “Let’s do this again, shall we? See this?”
The boy just stared at the chain.
“This chain will keep you with me for all of time, do you understand?” she asked.
He looked at her, anger evident on his face. “I hate you…”
The woman ignored his comment and wrapped one end of the chain around her wrist. She took the other end and wrapped it around one of his wrists. It began glowing red and a copy of the one on his wrist appeared on the other wrist like binds or hand cuffs.
He looked down at them and sighed. “I will get away… one day…”
She smiled. “But not today, my dear child.”
She stood, let him stand, and lead him back to the tree stump. “You and I, we’re going to be together for the rest of your life…”
Yeah, yeah, I was stupid. I should have run from the start, I get it. But because of this woman, I ended up with a wonderful life… Not right away, of course. But years later, I did. You’ll find out soon enough.
I can see the larger story in the small snapshot you paint here, and I want to know what happens next. The chapter as a whole definitely could use more work. It's like you gave us the ingredients for some scrumptious treat and expected us to eat it without actually making the batter and baking the cookie first. On the plus side you know what the ingredients should be... I can tell there are chocolate chips in there and I can't wait to taste the finished product. (If you're wondering, yes there are recipe books out there for writers, too.)
DeviantArt is a great place to get feedback on writing in general if you want it - you just need to know which groups to submit to.
This "chapter" kinda sucked cuz I was just trying to get people curious, plus the people who this is for know who the character is. So, they understand this better than anyone else. c: (since we RP together and all that, they know him after all this happened and understand bits and pieces I haven't revealed yet)
And I love the way you made it sound like a recipe. Freaking cool.
^ my reaction (in a positive way)